lizard psychology

This is Norm. Squint, you can see him.



This is Norm's penthouse.



He resides in our living room.

For those of you who don’t know how Norm came to us, let me tell you. Norm, the lizard, came in the mail. U.S. Postal Service to be exact. It’s a miracle really.

Norm faked his own death twice this week.

I don’t have the most affection for Norm but I thought I’d check on him one morning. He was sprawled against the glass, eyes closed, slightly blue. Dang. The sight of the dead lizard was upsetting so I turned his bowl around to eat my Cranberry Almond Crunch in peace. When I went back over Norm had changed position (although still sprawled, shut-eyed, and blue). So he wasn’t dead after all.
The next day, Sierra texted me to say that Norm was dead for sure this time. The roommates shook his house, poured water on him, and did many other obnoxious things to verify it. But once again, Norm deceived us, came alive and crawled on a branch.

I don’t understand Norm.

Here are my theories,

Norm:
a. really is nearing death and these are just signs of illness. Or of hunger because we haven’t fed him in awhile.
b. hates us because he’d rather be named Dragon Slayer.
c. is actually a girl. And tired of his/her plastic wrap ceiling. Wants to call Hillary Clinton.
d. was awake when we watched Count of Monte Cristo and learned that faking your own death is a sure way out of captivity.
e.is haunting us with his ghost when he leaves consciousness. This explains why food randomly goes missing from the freezer.

So who knows if the days of Norm are numbered or not. But one thing’s for sure, cats aren’t the only ones with nine lives.